The fundamentals of failing
I’ve been thinking a lot about failing recently and actively seeking to do more of it. You could argue I’m trying to rewire my brain to appreciate the fundamentals of failing. Not to brag, but I have a plethora of things I am good at. I’d say, naturally good at… School was easy, university even easier (I mean it was an art degree.) And there it is, did you notice? Something I’ve also been very, very good at is downplaying my achievements.
Failure is emotional but necessary
For me, failure feels gut-wrenching, upsetting, and deeply emotional. I know I don’t take criticism well (sorry, Dani), but I also struggle to fully appreciate my successes. When I accomplish something, my mind often jumps to dismissive thoughts: “Anyone could do that,” or “So-and-so could do it better.” This persistent self-doubt is often called ‘arrival fallacy’, the illusion that reaching a goal will bring lasting satisfaction. Or, even more frustratingly, the dreaded and well known ‘imposter syndrome.’
The reason this has been on my mind recently all started with a 10K trail run. I have enjoyed running now for 4-5 years, it’s something that brings me calmness and joy. It helps me notice the seasons change, be around nature and my thoughts. Despite this, I’ve always had a fear around trail running and something I would blame my body for not being up to.
Letting go of external validation
Anyone who sat with me for lunch over the past couple of months at some point will have heard me tell a derisive story about my partner’s parents signing me up for a 10K trail run at Glentress. This particular run covered 300 meters of elevation in the first 5KM, and let me tell you, it was cold at the top. Despite being full of dread masked in my humor and sarcasm, I went along with my only goal being to cross the finish line.
Within the first ten minutes of running, I was quickly at the back of the pack. Clearly, I was surrounded by very serious runners. A man in his 70s jogged alongside me and jeered, “I think we will be seeing a lot of each other.” He wasn’t wrong. I stomped my way up the hill, taking in the views along the way, slowly slid my way across the top avoiding ice patches, and threw snowballs at my friend. On the descent, the sun came out, and it was magic. I looked up at the trees, took in some deep breaths, and quickly made my way to the finish line. I did it, and I came dead last.
“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, “This is what it is to be happy.” Sylvia Plath
Finding joy in the process, not just the outcome
Would I do it again knowing I would come last? Yes! This could be the first time in my life where I was elated to fail. I did not give a rat’s arse about anyone else or their stats. All that mattered was the feelings I had along the way and the fact that I crossed the finish line!
Failure is misunderstood, and we avoid it at all costs. But to achieve and to grow, we must first fail. Our obsession with failure allows our failures to define us and keeps us from trying and from being open to experiences. On the other hand, when we do achieve, it is all too easy to downplay or minimize our accomplishments.
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya Angelou
To live well, we must remain open, curious, and most importantly, vulnerable.
Embracing discomfort and uncertainty
The truth is, failure is only failure if we allow it to be. What if we reframe it as learning, as progress, as proof that we are stretching ourselves beyond the confines of comfort? What if we measured our successes not by external validation but by our own growth, by how much we dared to show up even when we weren’t sure of the outcome?
That trail run wasn’t about time or placement, it was about pushing myself to go that bit further, about showing up even when I was certain I’d struggle. And in that struggle,I found joy in simply being in motion.
So maybe failure isn’t the thing to avoid, it’s the thing to chase. The more we appreciate the fundamentals of failing, the more we grow, the more we truly live. And that, to me, feels like the greatest success of all.
“Show me a man who has never made a mistake, and I will show you one who has never tried anything.” Albert Einstein
Thanks for reading,
Alice
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