Hello, how are you?

Friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing and a good conversation can leave us feeling understood, energised and revived.

Losing community

Friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing. Despite this, I’ve noticed a similar narrative amongst friends, coworkers and folk posting online. This is that friendships are hard to come by and even harder to keep. In adult life, friendships require a certain amount of dedication and maintenance. Unfortunately, we often do not have time or even the energy needed to support the functioning of a good friendship. 

As we age and grow priorities to shift, we get busier and life provides less opportunities for connection which become harder to come by if we let them slip away. Long term friendships require consistency, an ongoing dance of give and take.

Science has repeatedly studied and proved that friendships bring us a wealth of benefits. From keeping us mentally and physically healthy to improving our creativity and even reducing our blood pressure. So why don’t we value and maintain social connections as much as we should?

Modern life is often fast-paced and demanding, leaving little time for nurturing relationships. The rise of digital communication can create a false sense of connection, reducing face-to-face interactions. The pressures of work and daily responsibilities can make it challenging to invest in social connections, even when we recognize their importance.

Bridging connections

Humans have a fundamental need for interaction. Conversations connect us, sparking new ways of thinking, resonating with our emotions, and building bridges between us. However, we each require different levels of social connections and companionship.

A meaningful conversation blends opinions, experiences, and ideas. When a natural state of flow is achieved, it opens the heart and forges genuine connection. In essence, conversation links us together, and nurturing it involves genuine curiosity. To engage in meaningful conversation it is important to have interest in the people you encounter daily, ask questions, and avoid ending sentences in a closed manner.

By definition, conversation is improvisational. As we engage in dialogue, we uncover new aspects of ourselves. At its best, a conversation bridges the gap between our physical selves and our minds. A good conversation leaves us wanting more, with questions still unresolved. I’m sure I can vouch for many Triber’s that our weekly Social Lunch has left us with this feeling as we often attempt to put the world to rights! 

Place and time

So how do we in the busy modern day seek physical spaces where we can find ourselves lost in conversation? Social connections require a special kind of place. A place where yourself and others have time, freedom and capacity to get lost in conversation. Third Spaces, a term coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg, are spaces beyond work and home. A sacred space where we can interact both freely and casually.

“Life without community has produced, for many, a life style consisting mainly of a home-to-work-and-back-again shuttle. Social well-being and psychological health depend upon community.”- Ray Oldenburg

Modern commodities and capitalism have led to a scarcity of third spaces. A true Third Space is a physical place where you are under no obligation to be there and the presence of a “regular” is more than welcome. Though rare, these spaces are essential to neighborhoods and can significantly enhance quality of life, well-being, and health.

This is why free events, like Tribe Talks, are so vital to Tribe as a community coworking space. We continuously seek new and exciting ways to welcome the wider community into our space because community is at the heart of Tribe. Our commitment to inclusivity and engagement drives us to host a variety of events, workshops, and social gatherings that cater to diverse interests and needs. By doing so, we aim to create a vibrant, supportive environment where ideas can flourish, collaborations can emerge, and everyone feels a sense of belonging.

Finding your community

As with everything, it is about finding a balance but also actively engaging and seeking the types of connections you crave. According to British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, the “magic number” for an individual’s community is 150. That’s 150 connections that make up your social network. Dunbar split’s these connections into different circles, or you could call it communities. The most important circle being the ‘inner’, this includes family and long term friendships. The rings extend outwards from there and include distant friends, fleeting friends, coworkers and folk who you occasionally cross paths with. This could include people met in a  pub or coffee shop, people you pass on walks or places of common interest.

“What determines these layers in real life, in the face-to-face world… is the frequency at which you see people,” says Dunbar. “You’re having to make a decision every day about how you invest what time you have available for social interaction, and that’s limited.”

What I appreciate about Dunbar’s theory is its emphasis on the importance of cultivating depth in our communities, friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing . It’s not just about having close friends and deep relationships; the acquaintances and casual connections that come and go in our lives are equally vital to our daily health and happiness. It also highlights the importance of finding and frequenting places to nurture these relationships. Psychologist Holt-Lunstad similarly concluded that being within a large supportive social network reduces the risk of mortality after a chronic illness by an enormous 50%. 

Your attention is a gift

Making friends isn’t that different from when we were kids, the only difference is intention. Making new friendships should be both interesting and fulfilling, stay curious! Intention is also important when selecting where to dedicate your time. At the forefront of coworking is community, the beauty of coworking is the people you meet and the connections you make. Creating and actively participating in in-person events can increase a sense of connection. Choose the places you visit with the intention of gravitating towards people and, with some time, social connections will form (and maybe even a new friendship.)

When we talk about curiosity it is also beautiful to remember that our attention is a gift. Engage with conversations actively and ask questions, maybe pop your phone to the side too! Through this self awareness we can become more approachable and friendly, in turn the people we engage with will return the favour. 

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”-William James

Thanks for reading,

Alice

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