Hello, how are you?
Friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing and a good conversation can leave us feeling understood, energised and revived.
Losing community
Friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing. Despite this, I’ve noticed a similar narrative amongst friends, coworkers and folk posting online. This is that friendships are hard to come by and even harder to keep. In adult life, friendships require a certain amount of dedication and maintenance. Unfortunately, we often do not have time or even the energy needed to support the functioning of a good friendship.
As we age and grow priorities to shift, we get busier and life provides less opportunities for connection which become harder to come by if we let them slip away. Long term friendships require consistency, an ongoing dance of give and take.
Science has repeatedly studied and proved that friendships bring us a wealth of benefits. From keeping us mentally and physically healthy to improving our creativity and even reducing our blood pressure. So why don’t we value and maintain social connections as much as we should?
Modern life is often fast-paced and demanding, leaving little time for nurturing relationships. The rise of digital communication can create a false sense of connection, reducing face-to-face interactions. The pressures of work and daily responsibilities can make it challenging to invest in social connections, even when we recognize their importance.
Bridging connections
Humans have a fundamental need for interaction. Conversations connect us, sparking new ways of thinking, resonating with our emotions, and building bridges between us. However, we each require different levels of social connections and companionship.
A meaningful conversation blends opinions, experiences, and ideas. When a natural state of flow is achieved, it opens the heart and forges genuine connection. In essence, conversation links us together, and nurturing it involves genuine curiosity. To engage in meaningful conversation it is important to have interest in the people you encounter daily, ask questions, and avoid ending sentences in a closed manner.
By definition, conversation is improvisational. As we engage in dialogue, we uncover new aspects of ourselves. At its best, a conversation bridges the gap between our physical selves and our minds. A good conversation leaves us wanting more, with questions still unresolved. I’m sure I can vouch for many Triber’s that our weekly Social Lunch has left us with this feeling as we often attempt to put the world to rights!
Place and time
So how do we in the busy modern day seek physical spaces where we can find ourselves lost in conversation? Social connections require a special kind of place. A place where yourself and others have time, freedom and capacity to get lost in conversation. Third Spaces, a term coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg, are spaces beyond work and home. A sacred space where we can interact both freely and casually.
“Life without community has produced, for many, a life style consisting mainly of a home-to-work-and-back-again shuttle. Social well-being and psychological health depend upon community.”- Ray Oldenburg
Modern commodities and capitalism have led to a scarcity of third spaces. A true Third Space is a physical place where you are under no obligation to be there and the presence of a “regular” is more than welcome. Though rare, these spaces are essential to neighborhoods and can significantly enhance quality of life, well-being, and health.
This is why free events, like Tribe Talks, are so vital to Tribe as a community coworking space. We continuously seek new and exciting ways to welcome the wider community into our space because community is at the heart of Tribe. Our commitment to inclusivity and engagement drives us to host a variety of events, workshops, and social gatherings that cater to diverse interests and needs. By doing so, we aim to create a vibrant, supportive environment where ideas can flourish, collaborations can emerge, and everyone feels a sense of belonging.
Finding your community
As with everything, it is about finding a balance but also actively engaging and seeking the types of connections you crave. According to British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, the “magic number” for an individual’s community is 150. That’s 150 connections that make up your social network. Dunbar split’s these connections into different circles, or you could call it communities. The most important circle being the ‘inner’, this includes family and long term friendships. The rings extend outwards from there and include distant friends, fleeting friends, coworkers and folk who you occasionally cross paths with. This could include people met in a pub or coffee shop, people you pass on walks or places of common interest.
“What determines these layers in real life, in the face-to-face world… is the frequency at which you see people,” says Dunbar. “You’re having to make a decision every day about how you invest what time you have available for social interaction, and that’s limited.”
What I appreciate about Dunbar’s theory is its emphasis on the importance of cultivating depth in our communities, friendships and community are integral to our wellbeing . It’s not just about having close friends and deep relationships; the acquaintances and casual connections that come and go in our lives are equally vital to our daily health and happiness. It also highlights the importance of finding and frequenting places to nurture these relationships. Psychologist Holt-Lunstad similarly concluded that being within a large supportive social network reduces the risk of mortality after a chronic illness by an enormous 50%.
Your attention is a gift
Making friends isn’t that different from when we were kids, the only difference is intention. Making new friendships should be both interesting and fulfilling, stay curious! Intention is also important when selecting where to dedicate your time. At the forefront of coworking is community, the beauty of coworking is the people you meet and the connections you make. Creating and actively participating in in-person events can increase a sense of connection. Choose the places you visit with the intention of gravitating towards people and, with some time, social connections will form (and maybe even a new friendship.)
When we talk about curiosity it is also beautiful to remember that our attention is a gift. Engage with conversations actively and ask questions, maybe pop your phone to the side too! Through this self awareness we can become more approachable and friendly, in turn the people we engage with will return the favour.
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”-William James
Thanks for reading,
Alice
You can read all of our previous blogs by clicking here. Make sure you’re subscribed to our newsletters by filling out the form below:
Mailchimp signup form
Controlling Distractions
How distracted are you by your phone and is it worth your time?
A frequent conversation around the coworking table is the nuisance and distraction that technology, phones and social media brings. This stems from doom scrolling, to issues spurred on from social media and questions on how to ‘correctly’ parent technology. It’s a big multilayered problem and it seems the thread of desire is to find a way to detach. We want to remove ourselves from passive connection and stop being distracted by our phones.
Why have phones become such a distraction?
When we use our phones we are selling only our time, it’s often the moments where we want the time to pass that we fall into the trap. We are always wanting to be busy, we always want to be consuming, maybe it’s time to step back and let yourself be bored. Let yourself day dream and be alone with your thoughts.
“Solitude Deprivation. A state in which you spend close to zero time alone with your own thoughts and free from input from other minds.”― Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World
So what are the real problems we cause ourselves when we take to our phones for light entertainment or to pass some time? A study in 2007 by Dr Martin Hilbert and Dr Priscila Lopez found that the average person is drowned in 174 newspapers worth of information everyday, across TV, radio and reading. It’s easy to assume that this figure is even greater today. When you consider how much information we receive everytime we pick up our phones you soon realise why it’s so easy to be overwhelmed by the doom and gloom in the world. Or more likely, you feel yourself becoming ever more detached and unresponsive. We have no time to form any true compassion or understanding as we are always onto the next big news story.
Time to break from the distraction?
Gloria Mark, a professor of informatics, found that on average an adult working in an office stays on a singular task for no more than three minutes before switching tasks. We are tricked into thinking that we are great multitaskers, we are not- we are however very good at getting distracted and losing focus. Mark argues that especially during computer based work, instead of seeing a new tab, email reply or doom scroll as adding a new task, see it as adding a new distraction. This sounds easy but we have already programmed our brains to shift focus constantly, this is why we always are reaching for our phones.
After 14 years, I deleted my Twitter account and removed the app from my phone. This was spurred on by the change to X, in a weird way the visual change prompted discomfort but also made it easier to delete and let go, so thanks for that Elon! Since then, I notice myself whilst routinely checking Facebook and Instagram my thumb automatically going to tap the Twitter app. My brain is fully in a trance, it’s terrifying! Another thing I noticed, whenever I think of something funny my brain frames the thought as a tweet. It’s like an ingrained desire and need to tweet it, again…terrifying!
Make it worth your time
I feel like I do not need to delve into the problems around phones too much as we all experience it daily. I did consider counting how many times I picked up my phone whilst writing this piece but I feared it would be too shameful of a number. However, I do not believe that a complete detox, hiatus or banishment is the answer. Nor is blaming or shaming ourselves. I think it’s more important to consider the good things phones and tech can bring to our lives. Think of how much time has been saved through emails, online banking, google and life admin. We just need to be more aware and purposeful of how we use this tech.
For me, it’s the small impromptu moments of time where picking up my phone is becoming a problem. The automatic reflex to have a quick look always turns into at least ten minutes of scrolling. It is entirely passive consumption and is the definition of needless. I’m really good at misplacing my phone, something I’m weirdly proud of. It means that it’s not constantly on my mind or in my hand. Now when I lose track of it, instead of hunting it down straight away I purposefully question why I need to find it? What do I need it for? Unless the reason is valid, like calling my nan or if there’s a fire that needs tending to, I do not bother looking for it.
Find the balance
‘You want to read a book, but you are pulled away by the pings and paranoia of social media. You want to spend a few uninterrupted hours with your child, but you keep anxiously checking your work email. You want to set up a business, but your life dissolves into a blur of facebook posts that only make you feel envious and anxious. Through no fault of your own, there never seems to be enough stillness.’-Johann Hari, Stolen Focus
By detaching from our phones, time alone can become more nourishing, remove the need to compare and focus solely on ourselves. Instead of taking to social media for a ‘break’ try out some meditation, a little day dream, a quick stretch or a wee stroll around. Maybe what you’re craving is in fact a quick brain reset! Choose to feast on your own life, instead of small snippets of others. Rember, tech is designed to be addictive but we can choose to have a more purposeful relationship with it.
HERE ARE OUR COWORKERS THOUGHTS, TIPS AND TRICKS!
- APPS (the irony). A few of our members use apps such as: Niagra Launcher and Minimalist Phone
- Deleting social media accounts and using IRL or direct messages to connect
- Deleting apps that have no regular use or purpose
- Removing apps from my home screen so that I would need to search for them
- Creating time limits for usage
- Phone-free Sundays (it’s amazing how much time you gain!)
- Newsletters, I have become a big fan of newsletters. It’s a great way to consume meaningful and chosen content without the gateway to endlessly scroll.
- Keeping a ‘lookup list’ I take note of things that peak my interest. I can then I look up these in moments of boredom without falling down the rabbit hole. Example: What is Suminagashi? Do bumblebees hibernate in houses?
- Setting alarms which signal times to not use your phone
- Uninstalling the app and using web browser versions (just to make it less accessible)
- Educate yourself on how the apps and algorithms work, as they say ignorance is bliss. Once you learn the ins and outs of how they can manipulate your attention, you might second guess why you use them.
Don’t forget, habit is key and habits are harder to break than they are to form.
________________________________________________________________________________________
As always, we would love to hear your thoughts, keep in touch by signing up to our newsletter below! You can find our previous blog posts by clicking here.
Thanks for reading,
Alice.
Top