Healing is Not on a Timetable

by Dani Trudeau

I have written and deleted so much while trying to write this newsletter. One of our longest residing members here at Tribe has lost her son. We (our community, her communities) have witnessed the love and strength of their family over the years battling brain tumours. As a parent, it is painful to even imagine the depths of loss and heartache which has been felt and is being felt. From afar, we have also witnessed the community coming together, the intense love and support rallied through meet ups, fundraisers and events.  I would like to think that the shared pain and coming together has been a source of strength and love for her and her family.  It is hard to know what to say and we quite often avoid saying anything at all. I have heard friends who have lost someone say to me that people would avoid them. This is not because they are awful people, it is because we don’t know how to deal with such immense sadness. This is why I have pressed on to write something. I found this open letter from a mum who lost her son and felt she was better placed to offer any sort of wisdom.

Sandy Peckinpah’s, An Open Letter To Parents Who Have Lost A Child writes, “When a tragedy like this happens, it can be the starting place to give it reason and relevance. When you recognise this, it’s the moment your grieving will shift.  Imagine that. What would it feel like? I used to fantasise and picture my life without the pain by writing out that very question, What would it be like to feel peace around Garrett’s death? I would visualise myself without the veil of sorrow and allow the comfort of happiness to flow in. And for a brief moment, I could feel it. As time went on, I was able to reach that peaceful feeling more frequently.” Read the full open letter here.